David David David.

You have gone from a person I trusted and respect to a person that I have the uttmost annoyance with. You say I don't give you valid reasons, and that I don't make sense. But I don't think you're listening.

You do not care.


Praying for me, is not caring, its another way around having to have any emotion for me. Lately, thats I'll I want to know, is Do you even fucking care? You say yes, but every action you makes speaks otherwise. You lie to me, you put me last. YOur priorities lie not with God but with how much time your spending with Jen. Theres another thing. I am not jealous of Jen. I worry for her. I worry that you spend to much time with her, and therefore will begin to have a negative effect on her. She is a good person, who does not need the hurt from you getting bored with her.

Another thing I've been wondering, what I told you, about being pregnant and having a miscarriage, did that even matter to you? Because for me, it sucks. It really really does and I've really needed someone to talk to and be there for me. LIke a friend (and father of the freaking child) should and you're no where to be found. You abandoned me when I needed you most. You did. Not Jesus, not God. You did and not because God needed you to be somewhere else. God needed you to be there with me, God did not want you having sex with someone while I was emotionally fucked up. ANd if you had just been there, no questions asked, all my trust and faith in you would have been there. And btw, I knew about the miscarriage on friday night, just to let you know how often you aren't home. Why do you think I was upset Saturday? I have come to terms with there is a reason that this child was taken from me, that he or she was needed in a better place and I'm ok with that. But just so you know, I would have carried the child to term, and let you make the decision on whether or not you wanted to be in their life, I told you this from the get-go, and I wouldn't expect you to do anything.

i do not know hwere I am going after today. Possibly to Kathryn's, possibly not. It scares the shit out of me but I'll survive. I know something will work out. I have faith in that. But again its not myself that I'm worried about. Its you. Your priorities are so messed up and they need to be straightened. I find that there is the high possibility you'll be living in your car. And it bugs me that I can't fix it.

You think that I have feelings for you and on some level yes I probably do. But heres the catch, I could never love you David. You've hurt me to fast in to many different ways. You used me. Made me feel unworthy and I forgave you. But in all I could never love you the way that I love my ex. Because you never treated me right. Sometimes I look back and think to myself, Would I be here if I had told Linda that I had slept with you that first night, like I had intended to? Theres a high possibility that I would be. But I saw me in you, and it made me have an attatchment to you, different from the one you think I have. I love you, yes, as one of my best friends, and it ends there. I do not have feelings for you. THe only feeling I really have currently is anger and frustration that you would rather pick people who you barely know over those who know you best. Those who could have helped you the same way that she did. The person who told you the same things she did. But you never really listened David.

You know why I stayed with you on Easter?

Because I felt like this was where I needed to be, because I felt like God needed me to help you through those dark times. Thats the only reason I stuck around, because I couldn't hear God telling me to stay with you, and ignore that. I couldn't stand by and watch you inevitably selfdestruct, like God told me you would.

YOu claim that I need to be saved. I was saved a very long time ago. But again, you never listened. If you had just asked, then you would have known. But until tuesday of last week, religion was never brought up between the two of us. Though I did think about telling you, time and time again how I was feeling. From the time I was very little I have listened to God and done what hes asked. I've seen my angels, spent time with them, played with them, loved them. In the past couple of years I've had a few spats with God, argued, been annoyed but loved him all the same, and I've always listened to him. He's always been talking to you David, and the reason I like Jen is because, while you weren't listening to me, you listened to her and God finally got his message across to you. Made you hear him, like hes been trying to for last two months.

David, you have the potentional to be a beautiful person. You have the ability to do great and terrible things. I've made it very clear that you've hurt me. Very very clear. But the problem is, is I'm a very forgiving person. This week has hurt the most because, I haven't gotten to spend any time with you, and yet I have to let you go. I needed the last few days to work things out, and to let you know that I care very much about you and your wellbeing. Praying doesn't fix everything, it helps but it does not fix everything. Yes I'm extremely pessimistic, but to be honest its to get God to give me that extra boost haha. Which he knows, which could be why he makes me try so much harder. But praying does help just its not the fast solution i need sometimes. I worry yes, that you will fall on your face. I will always worry about you and I will always care about you. I just want you to be ok.


Watch how you treat people, treat them kindly and with respect, and the love they deserve. Get your priorities straight, and take care of yourself, David.