[16:44] Me.: you there?
[16:44] Danielle: yeahhhh
[16:44] Me.: best website ever
[16:44] Me.: http://japanesebugfights.com/
[16:44] Danielle: that was fucking random haha
[16:45] Me.: yeah, well we were being really mushy.
[16:45] Me.: how weird is it that sex talk broke the ice here.
[16:45] Me.: we're weird.
[16:45] Me.: considering it was sex that pretty much broke us apart
[16:45] Danielle: was it?
[16:45] Me.: no
[16:45] Danielle: it added stress
[16:45] Me.: yeah
[16:45] Danielle: but it wasn't the cause
[16:46] Danielle: i can't even remember why we started fighting to begin with
[16:46] Me.: no i know.
[16:46] Me.: nothing i was going down hill
[16:47] Danielle: it still makes me sad. Like I'm over everything. but certain things make me sad
[16:47] Danielle: I'll always have a little bitty place in my heart for you haha
[16:48] Danielle: I totally just made a gesture
[16:48] Danielle: and realized you couldn't see it
[16:48] Danielle: lmao
[16:49] Me.: well, yeah we went pretty far considering everything. although i think a lot of it was premature. we rushed things entirely too much. i think things are actually for the better right now. you went through some.. as you call them whore moments but honestly maybe you needed too. although you didn't need the abusive ass that you apparently were with for a while.
[16:49] Me.: but in all honesty i think at that time we weren't ready for what we were doing.
[16:49] Me.: at least i wasn't
[16:49] Danielle: we were young and stupid
[16:49] Danielle: I'm still young
[16:49] Danielle: your a bit old now haha
[16:49] Me.: yeah i know i'm an old man
[16:49] Me.: i felt kidn of bad in retrospect
[16:50] Me.: about the age difference
[16:50] Me.: but really age doesn't mean much
[16:50] Me.: it's not that big
[16:50] Danielle: I did love you though. Regardless of the things we rushed.
[16:50] Meebo Message: Could not connect to network.
[16:50] Me.: hug
[16:51] Danielle: Did you love me?
[16:51] Danielle: I'm not asking to be a bitch
[16:52] Me.: i don't know my answer isn't the best one and i don't want to upset you because in a round about way it isn't an insult or a bad thing. i really think i did. the only problem is, i'm still learning what the word actually means. and i think mentally and emotionally i'm not sure. i really really did care about you. and i think i loved you, but i really can't give you a definitive answer.
[16:53] Danielle: Thats a better answer than what it could have been
[16:53] Me.: i respect you too much to flat out say yes or no
[16:53] Me.: if anything i'm honest with you
[16:53] Me.: the biggest thing you were fighting
[16:53] Me.: or had to fight
[16:53] Me.: you couldn't have won against
[16:54] Me.: i think ultimately i was going to run that relationship in to the ground from the moment it started danielle and it wasn't fair of me to get involved in it
[16:54] Me.: we were coming up on a one year anniversary on the new year to the day when i tried to kill myself. shrug. i had never made plans for anything at this age in my life
[16:54] Me.: i didn't think i'd be alive
[16:55] Me.: it really, really screwed with my head the closer i got
[16:55] Me.: you couldn't have beaten that
[16:55] Danielle: I know
[16:55] Me.: but
[16:55] Me.: i have to thank you, and i realize i never have
[16:55] Me.: you did make that year easier
[16:56] Me.: it was a really rough year. i was lost.
[16:56] Me.: and for that, you're right i'm always going to care about you. and i would like us to be friends. and who knows what sort of bdsm things lie in wait in the future
[16:56] Me.: haha
[16:56] Me.: but really, thanks for what you did do for me.
[16:57] Me.: i didn't repay you in the best way possible
[16:57] Me.: you had become a solid foundation i ended up solely relying upon and when things blew up i took it badly
[16:57] Me.: nothing was your fault
[16:58] Danielle: I still feel a lot a lot of guilt. Like. I know that it wasn't my fault. But I didn't help it. And I made really stupid mistakes
[16:58] Me.: so did i
[16:58] Danielle: Like things I can't let go of, and it just fucks me up more than I already am.
[16:58] Me.: things worked out for the better. i think you needed to experience life
[16:59] Me.: i think i needed my space
[16:59] Me.: and we may become great master slave b uddies in the future who knows
[16:59] Danielle: I don't think you could do it
[16:59] Me.: honestly danielle, if you were local i might. but i can't even think about it otherwise.
[17:00] Me.: i stress might. it would depend on a lot
[17:00] Me.: but it's possible
[17:00] Me.: i've gotta run, although i can hop on msn on my phone
[17:00] Me.: save your response ill brb
[17:00] Meebo Message: Me. is offline
[17:04] Meebo Message: you went offline
[17:04] Meebo Message: you came online
[17:05] Meebo Message: Me. is online
[17:05] Danielle: [17:04] Danielle: I won't be local for a couple of months
[17:05] Danielle: probably not till august
[17:05] Danielle: depends on when my friends move out to washington
[17:05] Me.: I get car sick in here heh.
[17:05] Danielle:
[17:05] Danielle: you should come visit me when you get your license haha
[17:06] Me.: I need to save for other things really. You'll have your lunch eventually.
[17:06] Danielle:
[17:08] Danielle: i have to figure out where I'm goin got live out there
[17:09] Meebo Message: Me. is offline
[17:09] Meebo Message: Me. is online
[17:10] Me.: sorry. Phone net is acting up. I'll